Star wars characters living in new york
by lozza1989
Summary: Find out what happens when you get characters from Star wars living in new york. Apologies if the first chapter is abit short, was written at one in the morning. Enjoy : .
1. Chapter 1

Pilot episode part 1

Plot: This is a sitcom style fanfic featuring star wars characters living in new york city on the planet known as earth.

Somewhere in New york,in apartment 117 up town, Han solo was in the kitchen, trying to figure out on how to use a toaster. He was stood in the kitchen staring at the unfamiliar object and he was unsure of what to make of it. He was about to put a dish cloth inside it when Lando came walking out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel and a shower cap.

"Hey, Han old buddy, what are you up to?" he asked as he approached his friend.

"I'm trying to figure out what this strange thing is ?" Han said, gesturing to the toaster. Lando stroked his chin and stared at the toaster.

"Hmm, it looks like some weird box device thing and we put objects in those little slot things" he explained.

"Hmm" Han thought before he put the dish cloth inside the toaster and switched it on. Moments later , the dish cloth came flying out of the toaster in flames and hurtled across the kitchen.

"Quick, put it out" Lando yelled as Han stomped on the dish cloth to put the flames out. When he had finished, it was competly burned.

"Well, there goes one of leia's best dish cloths" Han said as he held up the now ruined dish cloth.

"Man , is she going to be pissed" Lando added.

"Well she isn't because we arn't going to tell her" Han said before tossing the burnt dish cloth into a dustbin.

"So, what are we going to do about this thing then?" Han asked, gesturing to the toaster. Lando shrugged and headed back into the bathroom just as C-3PO entered the room holding a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning sir" C-3Po greeted "and how are you today?"

"Just peachy" Han said "what are you doing with that weird droid thing with the trunk."

"I am using it to clean the floor sir, Mistress leia calls it a vacuum cleaner and it is used to clean dirt of the floor and she's been teaching me how to use it" the golden droid replied.

"Go on then, show me what this thing does" Han said, leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded. C-3PO then pressed the one button and the vacuum cleaner sprang to life and C-3PO began moving around with it, sucking up the dust as Han watched in amazement.

"Wow, that is so awesome, can I have a go?" Han asked. C-3PO handed Han the vacuum and began moving around with it.

"This is so cool" he yelled "I love this thing." he was having such a fun time with the vacuum that he was unware that he was disturbing a certain Sith lord that lived in the apartment below.

"Keep it down up there" Darth Sidious yelled, banging the ceiling with his walking stick "I'm trying to take a nap."

After at least thirty minutes of Han cleaning around with the hoover and having fun with it, Leia and Luke arrived after being out shopping and Luke was trailing behind leia, carrying all her shopping.

"Why did I have to carry all this stuff?" he asked as he dumped the bags on the kitchen floor .

"Because I didn't want to damage my nails" leia replied "now don't leave them there, bring over into the front room."

"Ok, but you owe me sis" Luke replied before picking up Leia's shopping and carrying it into the front room before going to sit on the sofa.

"Hey leia, do you know what this thing is?" Han asked, pointing at the toaster.

"That, Han, is a toaster" Leia said.

"But how do I use it?" Han asked again.

"I don't know" Leia replied.

"Hang on" Luke said as he entered the kitchen "there were some intructions on how to use a toaster in the drawer."

"Well, let's see them then" Han said. Luke then began searching through the drawers for the intructions on how to use a toaster.

"Toaster, toaster, toaster, toaster, ah ha, here we are" he said as he pulled out a sheet of paper "ok, a toaster is a popular house hold object used to make toast, to make toast, you put two slices of bread into the slots then push down the lever, when your toast is done, it will pop up."

"So, it cooks bread?" Han asked.

"Yeah, I guess" Luke replied.

"Well, I'll guess I'll try that" Han said "have we got any bread left?"

"No sir, Chewbacca ate it all yesterday" C-3Po pointed out.

"Roar" Chewbacca hollered.

"Guess I'll have to go out and get some more" Han said, putting on his jacket "I can't wait to try out some toast." He then left the apartment to go but bread just as Lando emerged from the bathroom, full blothed this time.

"Hey, where has Han gone?" he asked.

"Went out to buy bread" Leia. replied.

"Really, what for?" Lando asked.

"He's finally figured out what the toaster is for" Luke replied. Meanwhile, Han had gone to the local store to buy some bread. he searched up and down the bread isle to find which bread was suitable for toasting but none of the items where listed as toasting bread, there was brown bread, white bread, thick sliced bread and thin sliced bread, but no toasting bread. Confused, Han decided to ask the man behind the counter what kind of bread is suitable for toasting.

"Excuse me sir, I would like to buy some bread" he said.

"Of course sir, and what kind of bread would you like?" the man behind the counter.

"Well, I was kind of looking for bread that is suitable for toasting but I can't seem to find any" Han explained.

"Ah, not to worry sir" the man replied "all kinds of bread are suitable for toasting."

"Are they?" asked Han in amazement "well, i'll take one of each please my fine sir." Meanwhile, back at the apartment, the gang where gathered in the front room, watching the tv when there was a knock at the door.

"Who could that be?" Lando wondered.

"I don't know " Luke said "I'll go and find out." he stood up and walked to the door, opened it to reveal Jar jar binks holding a box of cookies.

"Good day to yousa" he greeeted "would yousa like to buy some cookies, I made them myself."

"How much?" Luke asked.

"Yousa pay six dollars for a box each" Jar Jar replied.

"I think I'll pass thanks" Luke replied.

"Oh, but thesa are the best cookies yousa could ever have" jar jar said "if yousa do not buy Jar jar cookies, yousa will regret it deeply." Luke was begining to get slightly annoyed with the weird creature thing that was trying to sell him cookies so he decided to use some jedi mind tricks.

"You do not want these cookies" he said, waving his hand around.

"Yousa do not want these cookies" Jar Jar repeated.

"I will go away and leave you alone now" Luke siad, waving his hand around.

"I will go away and leave yousa alone now" Jar jar said.

"Ok, good luck selling them cookies" Luke said as Jar Jar walked off. Luke then closed the door and headed back into the sitting room.

"What was that?" Leia asked.

"Oh nothing, just that Jar jar binks creature trying to sell me cookies" Luke replied "anyway, I wonder how Han is getting on with his shopping."

So, just how Han is getting on and will he succeed in making toast, find out in the second part which is coming up in the next chapter, so stayed tuned.


	2. pilot episode part 2

Pilot episode part two

What's been happening so far- Han was discovering on how to use a toaster and when he finally discovered on what a toaster was for, he went out to buy some bread so he could make some toast whilst Jar Jar binks was trying to sell Luke a box of cookies for six dollars.

Now here is part two.

Han had bought every single kinds of loafs of bread and he was now heading back to the apartment, carrying six shopping bags full of bread.

"I cannot wait to have some toast" he said as he walked down the street "I hope it will taste nice." He was halfway down the street when he ran into a beggar, sat on the pavement with his arms out, begging.

"Spare some change for a homeless man sir" the beggar pleaded.

"Oh, I'm sorry I don't have any change" Han replied "I spend it all on this bread, sorry pal." he walked off as the beggar called him hordes of abusive names which shall remain nameless but Han paid no attention to them, he was far too exicited on trying out toast for the first time. When he finally arrived at the apartment, he dumped the bags on the kitchen table as the others came rushing in.

"Behold guys, bread to make toast" he told them all. Chewbacca went to grab a bag but Han slapped his hand away.

"No Chewie, bad chewie, this is Han's bread and he is making toast" Han told the now disapointed wookie who went to sulk in a corner. Han took two slices of white bread out, popped them in the toaster and pushed the lever down.

"And now we wait" Han said as he leant in front of the toaster, waiting for the moment he was waiting for. After waiting for five minutes, the toast now had popped up and Han was very happy.

"Alas, behold toast" he said, showing them all the crispy brown toast on his plate.

"Look at that, it's amazing" said Lando, staring at the toast. Han smiled and took a bite out of one piece, then pulled a face.

"It tastes dry" he said "it's not as nice as I thought it would be."

"Maybe it needs something to give it some flavour" Luke suggested.

"What do you mean?" Han asked.

"Just give me that other piece and I'll show you" Luke replied. Han gave him the other piece and Luke opened the fridge and took out a bottle of mayannaise, a bottle of mustard and a bottle of tomato ketchup.

"Ok, let's see if these will give it some flavouring" he said before putting mayonnaise, mustard and tomato ketchup all together on the piece of toast.

"Ok Han, try it now" Luke said, giving Han his toast back. He took a bite out of it and gave a small nod.

"Not bad, but it could do with a little bit of mince sauce" he said, taking out the mince sauce and putting it on his toast.

"Ok, here goes" he said before taking a big bite out of it "delicious."

All afternoon, Han had been making mayonnaise, mustard, tomato ketchup and mince sauce on toast and he was starting to love it.

"I never knew toast could taste so delicious" he said to them all. That evening, Han decided he had enough toast for one afternoon so he stopped making toast.

"So, what's been going on while i was out buying bread to make toast?" Han asked.

"Well a gungan came buy, trying to sell me cookies" Luke said.

"Really, which one was it?" Han asked.

"Jar Jar binks" Luke replied.

"Oh him, he's annoying" Han said "you didn't buy any cookies from him, did you?"

"No" Luke said "but he wouldn't take no for an answer so I used a jedi mind trick on him."

"Nice one, and did that work?" Han asked.

"Yeah" said Luke "and he just went off just like that." Han nodded and propped his feet up on the coffee table which annoyed Leia deeply.

"Get your feet of that coffee table you scruffy looking nerf herder" she yelled "I just cleaned that."

"So sorry, your majesty" Han said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Leia shook her head at him and told him that he was doing the washing up after dinner tomorrow.

"But I'm allergic to soap bubbles" Han lied as Luke tried not to laugh. Leia, however wasn't fooled.

"Stop making up excuses Mr Solo, you are washing up after dinner tomorrow, no excuses." Han groaned and leant back on the sofa, arms folded.

"You're not really allergic to soap bubbles are you?" C-3PO asked.

"No, I was just using that as an excuse to get out of washing up" Han replied.

"I know, when you get some soap bubbles on your hands, scream really loud and say that your hands are burning" Lando suggested.

"She wouldn't buy it Lando" Han said " Leia is a smart woman who isn't that easily fooled." R2-D2 appeared from the broom cupboard and rolled into the front room.

"Hey, where have you been all day?" Luke asked the little droid.

"Bleep bleep squeak, bloop splat" R2 replied.

"He said that he went to look in the broom cupboard and Chewbacca accidently shut the door and he couldn't get out until mistress Leia opened the door just a moment ago" C-3Po said. They all turned to look at Chewbacca who looked guilty.

"Roar" Chewie barked.

"Chewbacca says that he is very sorry for what he has done to R2" C-3Po said.

"Bleep bleep bleep" said R2

"R2 says he forgives you Chewbacca" C-3Po said to Chewbacca.

Meanwhile in the apartment below, Darth Sidious and Darth vader where playing cards.

"Ok, i've got an ace, two queens and a king" Darth Sidious said "Let's see what you've got."

"Straight aces (breath) I win, my master" Darth vader said.

"Drat, you always beat me at cards" Darth Sidious complained

"I have a good hand, my master (breath)" Darth vader replied.

"Well, I'm not playing anymore, I may as well take up knitting, at least I might be better at that than cards" Darth Sidious replied.

"If that's what please you (breath)" Darth vader said before looking up at the ceiling.

" What are you doing?" Darth Sidious asked.

"My son is living in the apartment above this one" Darth vader said.

"How do you know that?" Darth Sidious asked.

"I can feel his presence" Darth vader replied " he is looking at a large box with pictures on it and the pictures are moving. There are a bunch of men in red and white clothing on a huge field, kicking a brown oval shaped ball around into two nets at the end of the field."

"That would be a sport known as football" Darth Sidious replied.

"How do you know this my master?" Darth Vader asked.

"Because I saw it on my strange box thing" Darth Sidious said, pointing at the tv on the other side of room.

"Will you show me my master (breath)?" Darth vader asked. Darth Sidious, hobbled over to the tv and switched it on. The football game came on.

"So this is football?" Darth vader said.

"I believe so" Darth Sidious replied. So, the two Sith lords both watched football.

The next morning, The gang in the apartment upstairs where woken up by Chewbacca hollering.

"What is that walking carpet doing at this hour?" Leia groaned. They all listened to see whare the hollering was coming from when Lando finally figured it out where it was coming from.

"It's coming from the bathroom" he said. The gang walked up to the bathroom where the hollering of Chewbacca got louder. Lando opened the door and they all saw Chewbacca taking a shower. When the wookie realized they where all watching him, he covered himself with the shower curtain and hollared at them, waving the scrubbing brush around.

"I think he wants to be left alone" Han told them.

"Roarrrrrrrrr" Chewbacca hollered, now throwing a bar of soap which just missed Luke by an inch.

"Ok Chewie, we'll leave you to shower in peace" Han said "come on, let's leave him to finish his shower." He closed the door and Chewbacca's hollering continuing.

"What do you think he's hollering about now?" Luke asked.

"I think he's singing in the shower" Han replied.

"So that was what woke us all up at six thirty, it was chewie singing in the shower" Lando said.

"Afraid so, so, who's for breakfast. Mayonnaise, mustard,tomato ketchup and mince sauce on toast is on me" Han offered.

End of the pilot episode. Episode two coming up soon.


	3. The one where new neighbours move in

The one where new neighbours move in

In apartment 117, Han was bored and I mean, seriously bored. He had watched several cartoons on the tv and they just kept showing repeats over and over again so he decided to try and build a house of cards but failed miserably so now he was sat on the sofa, trying to think of ways to entertain himself.

"There must be something I can do around here" he mumbled to himself. Just at that moement, Leia emerged from the bedroom and she saw that Han was looking incredibly fed up.

"Hey, what's wrong with you face ache?" she asked him.

"I'm bored" Han complained.

"Oh, why not paint some pictures or something?" She suggested.

"What am I, five?" he asked her in an annoyed tone.

"Ok, sorry" she said, throwing her arms in the air.

"You wanna play foozball?" Lando asked, poking his head around his bedroom door.

"Ok, maybe that will ease my boredom" Han said as he stood up and walked into Lando's bedroom. Luke was also in there, holding a note book and a pen.

"What are you doing with that notebook and pen?" Han asked.

"I'm keeping track of whatever score one of you guys get" Luke replied.

"His idea, I didn't make him do it" Lando pointed out.

"Hey, if my arms get tired, you can take over for me and I'll keep track of the scores" Han told Luke.

"Thanks Hanny" Luke said.

"Hanny?" Han asked in shock horror as Luke just grinned "what am I, a female?"

As the guys played foozball, leia was tidying around the window sill when she noticed a moving van parked outside the building so she ran into Lando's bedroom to inform the guys that someone was moving into the building.

"Leia, we are in the middle of some important guy stuff, can't it wait?" Han asked.

"I just thought we should go say hi to whoever is moving in" Leia replied.

"I'll go" Luke volunteered.

"So will I" Lando annnounced. Han was pissed off.

"You traitors, what about our game?" he asked.

"We can finish it later" Lando said "now,are you coming to say hello to our new neighbours or not?"

"Ok" Han said. So, the four of them wnet outside to see who was moving in and a familiar green elf creature came climbing out the back of the moving van.

"Oh, a bumpy ride that was, sore backside I have" it said.

"Hey, isn't that Yoda?" Han asked.

"I believe it is" Luke said. Yoda was soon joined by none other than Obi wan kenobi.

"I told you not to ride in the back of the moving van" Obi wan told Yoda "you could have got in the car with me you know."

"Get car sick, I do, feel more comfortable in back of moving van I did" Yoda replied.

"But I had the baby seat put in for you" Obi wan told him.

"Get car sick, I still would" Yoda replied. They turned around and saw Han, Luke, leia and Lando stood watching them.

"Oh, what are you four doing out here?" Obi wan asked.

"Well, Leia saw the moving van and insisted that we come and say hi" Han said, gesturing to Leia.

"So, are you two getting an apartment each or moving in together?" Lando asked.

"Moving in together, we are, hmmmmm" Yoda replied.

"Which apartment?" Leia asked.

"Apartment 118" Obi wan replied.

"No kidding, that's just the apartment across from ours" Han replied, looking very surprised.

"Hey, you want some help getting your stuff upstairs?" Luke asked.

"Ok then, just grab some boxes and take them to apartment 118" Obi wan said. So the four all went to the moving van and picked a box to take upstairs. Han attempted to carry a box titled **extremely heavy items** but couldn't manage it, so he chose a box entitled ** cushions **instead because it was full of cushions and not too heavy for him to carry. After they had got all of their stuff into apartment, the four from apartment 117 offered to help them unpack.

"Having this bedroom, I am" Yoda said as he went to look at his bedroom.

"So, who lives in apartment 117?" Obi wan asked.

"Well there's me, Han, Leia, Lando, C-3PO, R2-D2 and chewbacca" Luke replied.

"Bet it must be crowded with you all living in there" Obi wan pointed out.

"It's roomy" Han replied.

"You should come over sometime" Lando offered.

"Ok, how about later this afternoon" Obi wan suggested.

"Seems fine to us" Leia said. The guys nodded in agreement.

"Ok, I'll come round this afternoon" Obi wan said. The four then went back to their apartment just as Yoda pulled out a tube of toothpaste from one of the boxes.

"Found a strange object I have" he said, showing Obi wan the toothpaste.

"That is called Toothpaste, you use it to clean your teeth" Obi wan pointed out.

"But, got no teeth I do" Yoda replied "eat it instead I will." Obi wan then watched as Yoda squirted some toothpaste in his mouth and ate it.

"Taste minty it does" Yoda said then offering Obi wan some "want some, do you?"

"Errr, no thanks, I think I'll pass" Obi wan replied.

"Fine, more for me, there is" Yoda said, then proceeding to squirt some more toothpaste in his mouth. Back in apartment 117, Leia was tidying around before Obi wan and Yoda came by.

"Why do you guys have to be so messy?" she complained.

"Because we are guys" Han said.

"Well, try not to make a mess, you know we have guests coming round this afternoon" she told them. C-3PO came our of the bathroom, wearing a pinny.

"The toilet is clean , what would you like me to do next?" he asked.

"You can make the beds now" Leia said.

"As you wish" C-3PO said before heading into Leia's bedroom. She then threw a pair three packs of rubber gloves at the three guys sat on the sofa.

"What are you doing?" Han asked.

"I want you three to clean the kitchen" Leia ordered.

"Right away, mi lady" Luke said as he stood up with a salute then heading into the kitchen. Leia then focused her attention on Han and Lando who still remained seated.

"Well?" she demanded.

"Well what?" Han asked.

"Arn't you two going to clean the kitchen too" she said.

"Let us think abou it, erm... no" Han said before he and Lando leant back, arms folded. Growing frustrated, Leia grabbed both men by the ears and dragged them into the kitchen.

"Now, I want to see this kitchen spotless" Leia ordered before walking off. Later that afternoon, after the whole apartment was tidy, there was a knock at the door.

"They're here" Leia said, rushing to the door and opening it. There stood Obi wan and Yoda.

"Oh hi you guys, come in" she offered. The pair followed Leia into the apartment and Obi wan commented on how tidy the place was.

"Thanks, we all chipped in" leia said "so, you guys want a coffee or something."

"No thanks, I'm on a caffiene diet" Obi wan said.

"Have coffee, I will" Yoda said.

"But not too much, you know what happens" Obi wan said sternly.

"Why, what happens if he has too much coffee?" Luke asked.

"Well if he drinks too much coffee, he bounces off the walls" Obi wan pointed.

"Have one coffee, I will" Yoda said, emitting a minty smell from his mouth.

"And why in the world does his breath smell so minty?" Luke asked.

"Because he ate a whole tube of toothpaste earlier" Obi wan replied. Everybody began laughing but were interupted by Darth Sidious hitting his stick against the ceiling in the apartment below, yelling at them to keep the noise down.

"Who is that?" Obi wan asked.

"Oh, just some senile old man who lives in the apartment below" Luke said "he's always complaining, plus we have a family of Ewoks living in the apartment above but they are not as much as a nuisance, except when they are having one of their Ewok parties which can go on until the next day."

"I once went up there to tell them to keep the noise down" Han said "it was three in the morning and I needed my sleep." After a few hours, Obi wan and Yoda went back to their apartment.

"Hey, if any of you guys want to come round, feel free" Leia offered.

"Thanks" Obi wan said before he and Yoda headed back into their apartment.

That evening, afeter eveyone had gone to bed, Han was woken up by drums and singing that was coming from the apartment above.

"Oh no, not again" Han groaned as he climbed out of bed and headed to the door before heading up one floor and banging on the door where the drumming was coming from. The door opened to reveal an Ewok party going off inside. Han was greeted by a female Ewok.

"Hello, sorry to bother you, but can you please keep the noise down, it's one in the morning and I need to sleep, so if you can do that, then that would be most greatful, thankyou" he told the Ewok who said nothing, instead, she grabbed him and pulled him inside the apartment. There was a few minutes of silence before Han came running out, screaming like a girl.

"Keep your filthy paws of me, you dirty Ewok" he said, pointing at the Ewok that had pulled him into the apartment before legging it back to the apartment and into his bed.

The next morning, Han chose not to speak of the events that had happened the night before so he decided to do something to taske his mind of it.

"Ok, I'm bored, I want to finish our game of foozball" he told Luke and Lando "and Hopefully, there will be no interuptions." He looked in Leia's direction, who luckily, wasn't paying attention. So the three guys went to finish off their foozball game from the day before.

Meanwhile, Obi wan and yoda were sat at the breakfast table. Yoda was eating cornflakes without using a spoon.

"Do you have to eat like that?" Obi wan asked.

"Eat like this, I must" Yoda replied with his face still in the bowl "hmmmmmm." Obi wan slowly moved away from the kitchen table and onto the sofa before picking up a newspaper and reading it. Yoda then finished off with a satisfying belch.

"That's it" Obi wan said, heading into his bedroom. Yoda just simply went into the front room and put the tv on.

"Watch cartoons, I must" he said. Yoda then spend most of the day, watching cartoons until eventually, he fell asleep.

end of this episode, next episode coming up soon.


	4. The one at the coffee house

The one at the coffee house

"So, Han, have you decided what you want for your birthday this year?" Leia asked as Han scanned through a catologe to see what was his ideal birthday present. Chewbacca and the droids were sat in the corner playing a game of scrabble.

"I refuse to use the word panties Chewbacca" C-3po declared furiously "there isn't enough space on the board and it's innapropriate." Chewbacca growled and beat his chest like King Kong.

"It's no good having a tantrum, that's not going to help" C-3po said just as Han had decided what he wanted for his birthdya. He went into the kitchen and showed it to Leia.

"I want one of those for my birthday" he said, pointing at a nintendo wii.

"Oh my god, that is the most expensive thing I have seen" leia said. The wii cost eighty hundrend dollars.

"So can I have one for my birthday?" Han asked, with a pleading look in his eyes.

"Yeah, maybe in ten years" Leia chuckled. Han groaned.

"But it looks so cool" he groaned.

"What does?" Luke asked.

"This" Han said, showing him the nintendo wii that he wanted for his birthday.

"Wow, that is something" Luke said "so are you getting one?"

"I wish but Leia won't let me get one until ten years time" Han groaned.

"It's too expensive Han" Leia said "now about a Nintendo DSI instead, they're pretty cool aswell."

"Oh, I'lL think about it" Han said reluctantly "but I want a wii next year."

"We'll see Han" Leia replied. Later that day, the gang decided to go to the coffee house except for Chewbacca and the droids because Chewbacca wasn't allowed in the coffee house after the last time because he went abit too hyper after four coffees and nearly trashed the place and the Droids didn't come because they don't serve there kind at the coffee house.

"Will you three be ok for few hours?" Leia asked.

"Certainly mistress Leia" C-3po said.

"Ok, behave yourselves and not leaving a present for us on the carpet Chewie" she said, pointing at Chewie "use your litter box."

"Roar" Chewbacca hollered in response. When the gang arrived at the coffee house which was called **COFFEE EXPRESS, **they all sat in their favourite spot whilst Lando went to get the coffees.

"Abit busy in here today isn't it?" Han said.

"It does tend to get really busy on a saturday" Luke pointed out. Just then, Darth vader and Darth Sidious came walking through the doors and up to the counter.

"Good day, I would like a free coffee" Darth Sidious said to the man behind the counter.

"I'm sorry sir, you'll have to pay for your coffee" the man said.

"Look here you" Darth Sidious yelled "I am the Emperor and I demand a free coffee."

"Not good enough" the man replied "you're going to have to do better than that." At that presise moment, Darth Vader started to force choke the counter guy.

"If you give my master the free coffee that he wants, I will let you go, understand (breath)?" The counter guy nodded as he had his hnads clamped around his throat. Darth vader stopped force-choking him and asked Darth Sidious what kind of coffee he would like.

"I'll have a coffee to go" he said "and no sugar, if I find that you have put one little grain of sugar in my coffee, I will kill you with my lightning hands, understand?" The counter guy who was now really scared nodded and gave Darth Sidious the coffee he wanted.

"Pleasure doing buisness with you my friend" he said before turning his attention to Darth vader "come along vader, let's see if we can now get a free bus."

"Yes, my master" Darth Vader replied as he followed Darth Sidious out of the coffee house.

"Blarrrrrghhhhhh, this coffee is hot" Han yelled "what have they put in there, lava?"

"Well, let it stand for abit then" leia suggested "goodness me Han solo, you're making such a big fuss over a cup of coffee."

"It almost set my tongue on fire" he said, showing them all his tongue and waggling it back and forth "look, do you guys see any burn marks on it?"

"No Han" Lando said "but put that tongue of yours back in your mouth, it's waggling about is seriously creepy." So Han did so.

"Sorry about that, but it does sting" he said "it feels like a i just drank lava staright from the volcano."

"Ouch,sounds painful" Said Luke. A few minutes later, Han's coffee wasn't as hot as it first was, so now he could drink it without burning his tongue.

"Ahhhhhhhh, that's better" he said with relieve. He licked his lips and everyone looked at him in discust.

"What, it's good coffee, you can't beat good coffee" he told them.

"But licking your lips like that was kind of disturbing" Leia pointed out.

"Sorry madam" Han said "I will stop just for you." After spending most of the afternoon at the coffee house, the gang decided to head back to the apartment.

"I wonder how Chewbacca and the droids are doing?" Lando wondered.

"I'm sure they're ok, 3po will make sure that chewie behaves himself" Luke pointed out. When they arrived back at their apartment, they discovered, C-3Po, R2, Chewbacca, yoda and one of the ewoks from the apartent upstairs playing poker.

"What is this?" Leia demanded.

"Oh, hello everybody, back so soon?" C-3po greeted.

"3po, what are you guys doing?" she asked.

"Well, Eddie here" he said, pointing at the ewok "came for a visit and then Yoda popped by, but we got bored so we decided to have a nice game of cards."

"Ok, I hope you haven't been gambling"Han said.

"Of course not sir, it is against my religion to do such a terrible thing" C-3po said.

"You owe me fifty dollars" Eddie the Ewok told C-3po. That's right, the Ewoks have learnt how to speak earth english.

"Don't mind Eddie, he drank too much beer this afternoon and he doesn't know what he's talking about" C-3po said. Han nodded and left. C-3po then leant closer to Eddie the Ewok.

"Listen Eddie, I'll get you your fifty dollars as soon as I can, but I don't have it on me right now" he whipsered.

"You've got forty eight hours, if i don't see that fifty dollars by then, I'll rip your circuits out" Eddie the Ewok whipsered back.

"Oh dear" C-3po groaned. Meanwhile, Han was walking out of the bathroom and stepped into something unpleasant. He looked at the bottom of his shoe, there was a tense silence until...

"CHEWIE."

Meanwhile, outside, a bus was driving around like crazy almost knocking people over. It was soon revealed that the person behind the wheel was Darth Sidious.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" he cackled as he drove the bus around like a maniac " I told you we'd get a free bus."

"Indeed (breath) my master" Darth vader replied who was sat on one of the front seats, reading a newspaper. He was driving like a maniac for almost an hour until he had crashed into the supermarket.

"Oh that was fun" he said as he and Darth vader climbed off the bus, both still alive after the crash "now, it's time to get a free areoplane. Come vader, to the airport."

"As you wish, my master" Darth vader replied as he followed Darth Sidious out of the supermarket with Darth Sidious cackling insanely.


	5. The one where the shampoo runs out

The one where the shampoo runs out

On friday evening, Leia decided she wanted to take a shower so she went into the bathroom to get ready for her shower when she noticed that her shampoo bottle was empty.

"That's strange, I only bought this yesterday" she said before she got really angry "well someone is going to pay for this." She then stormed out of the bathrooom with the empty shampoo bottle and bumped into C-3po.

"'Hello Leia,what's going on?" C-3po asked to the very annoyed looking woman.

"I want you to get the guys together, it's time for a house meeting" she ordered the goldren droid who seemed to be very confused.

"But,what for?" he asked.

" Don't question me, just get on with it" she raged,making C-3po so scared that he had no choice but to do what he was told. Half an hour later, the guys,Chewbacca and the droids were all gathered in the sitting room all staring a Leia who was stood before them, arms folded.

"Right, I have called a house meeting to discuss the issue of this" she told them, showing the empty bottle of shampoo.

"What?" Han asked, "it's only a bottle of shampoo, I can't see why you called us for a house meeting to talk about a bottle of shampoo?" Leia got really angry and stated that it was now empty but had been full from the day before.

"Oh" the three guys said at once.

"Now" Leia began "yesterday afternoon,I bought a full bottle of this shampoo here, now, about half an hour ago, I was going to take a shower, but as I entered the bathroom, I noticed that this here shampoo that I bought yesterday is now empty and it was a full one yesterday,I haven't even used it yet, so, sometime between yesterdy afternoon and half an hour ago, somebody in this flat has used my entire bottle of shampoo. So, own, up, who did it?". Everyone in the room all looked at her like she had gone insane before Lando found the courage to speak up.

"Leia, I think you must be mistaken, but none of us have used you shampoo" he admitted.

"Yeah" Luke added "we got our own."

"Oh really, then prove it" Leia said. So Luke and Lando both went into the bathroom showing Leia their own shampoos.

"Satisfied?" Lando asked her.

"Fine, so I'm guesiing you two had nothing to do with it" Leia said "but that just leaves Han, Chewie, R2 or 3po." She eyed the last remaining suspects,suspiciously.

"Don't look at us" 3po pointed out, gesturing to him and R2 " we are droids, we cannot use shampoo."

"Well that gets you both off the hook then" Leia replied "So, I'm guesing that leaves either Chewie or Han who used up my entire bottle of shampoo which I bought yesterday." She eyed the pair very suspiciously, which was making Han feel very uncomfortable.

"I'm getting out of here, she's starting to scare me" Han said as he stood us,only to be pushed back on the sofa by Leia who indicated that no one was leaving until the culprit owned up.

"This can be quite a while" Han muttered to Chewbacca who roared in response.

An hour had past by and no one had owned up to using the entire bottle of shampoo and Leia wasn't letting anybody leave until that person owned up.

" My god, all this fuss over a bottle of shampoo" Han complained " if she's ran out, why not go out and buy some more instead of calling a house meeting about it."

"Maybe she's going through her women's problems" Luke pointed out as he casually tossed a tennis ball in the air and counting how many times he caught it.

" So how long has the culprit got to own up anyway?" Lando asked.

"Well, she said that whoever did it has an hour to own up so she's shut herself in her bedroom and will come out in an hour to find out who the culprit is" Han explained. Lando sighed and placed his hands behind his head before letting out a big yawn which indicated boredom.

" I know how you feel Lando" Han muttered.

" I wonder how a full bottle of shampoo could be used up in like two days if Leia said she hasn't used it yet" Luke pointed out.

"I don't know" Han replied " but what I know is, that neither of us used it, the droids couldn't have used it because they don't have hair, I know I haven't used it because I know that i haven't used it, Chewie couldn't have used it because he rarely takes a shower and you two didn't use it because you both have your own shampoo, so I can't understand why she is more or less holding us hostage over a bottle of shampoo." Both Lando and Luke looked at each other and shrugged.

The hour for the culprit to own up was drawing near and everybody was getting really nervous as to what might happen if no one owned up, but no one had the reason to own up because no one had used the shampoo according to Han.

" I wonder if it will be safe for me to go to the bathroom before she comes out" Han wondered.

"I guess so,there's only fifteen minutes left" Luke replied,checking the clock on the wall. So Han stood up and walked to the bathroom. When he arrived to the bathroom, he realised that there was no toilet paper left so he went to the cupboard to fetch a full roll when he noticed a full bottle of Shampoo inside the cupboard and to his surprise,it was the same one that Leia had bought the day before. The empty one was one that had been used two weeks ago,so he took it out of the cupboard,sprinted to Leia's bedroom door and knocked on it.

"Oh Leia, can you come out here for a second" he said in a sing song voice. Leia opened the door and Han waved the full bottle of shampoo in her face.

"I believe that this is the bottle that you bought yesterday" he told her "that empty bottle that you found was from two weeks ago. You must have forgotten to throw it out." He handed to full bottle to her and she went all embarresed.

"Oh, I feel so stupid" she said " I can't believe I got so worked up over a bottle of shampoo." She then apologized to everybody for the events of that evening and then went to have her long awaited shower.

" I'm glad that's over with" Han said to Luke and Lando "now,let's see what food is in the kitchen." before, he could take one step into the kitchen, Leia came storming out of the bathroom,looking angry again.

"Alright,who used up all the toilet paper?" she demanded.

"Erm,there's a full roll in the cupboard" Han pointed out.

"Oh, right" Leia replied before heading back into the bathroon. Han leaned back against the counter and wiped his forehead.

"Phew" he said with relief.


	6. The one with the guys night out

The one with the guys night out

"You know" Han said to Lando as they where sat at the kitchen table both eating sandwiches "I really fancy a night out,hows about us guys go down to the local bar and have a couple of drinks,I'm buying. So are you in Lando?"

"Ok" Lando replied then walked over to Luke who was in the front room,playing on the playstation 3.

"Hey,me and Han are off on a guy's night out, you wanna come along?" he asked.

"I don't know, I'm not really into that kind of stuff" said Luke who's eyes where fixed on the television screen " maybe I'll stay here and see if I can get the high score on this game."

"Oh come on" Lando urged "you don't wanna be left out do you." Finally, Luke had decided to agree to come along but he made it perfectly clear that he wasn't going to end up like both Han and Lando after they had been to the pub.

"Hey,maybe Chewie would like to come along aswell" Lando suggested. So Han went to ask Chewbacca if he would like to come for a drink down at the bar.

"Roar" was Chewbacca's response.

"I guess that means yes" Lando pointed out.

A few hours later, the three guys and the wookie where walking round the streets of new york to find a decent bar but most of the ones they came across wouldn't allow Chewbacca in because the owners made out that he was scaring the customers.

"Maybe we should disguise him" Luke suggested "then maybe they'll let him in." So the guys went to a clothes shop and soon Chewbacca was wearing a baseball cap, a pair of sunglasses, a fake beard,a t-shirt,a denim jacket, some jeans and some sneakers.

"There,now we might have a good chance of getting into somewhere" Han said.

"That place looks ok" Lando said,pointing at a place called MEN'S CLUB. So, the guys and Chewbacca walked in to find that the inside was a full on nightclub with no women, just loads of men, loads of shirtless men on the dance floor and all over the place.

"Why do all these guys have their shirts off?" Han asked as he observed the room.

"Don't know" Lando pointed out "maybe it's hot in here."

"Hey guys" said Luke "I think you should take a look at this." he showed them two men in the far corner,kissing and there were another couple of guys,,alot of the guys in the bar where kissing.

"You guys" Han whispered "back away very very slowly,don't look them straight in the eye,just slowly walk towards the exit and we'll be fine." So, they all did what Han had instructed them to do and now they were back outside. Han looked at the sign above the door and saw that the word GAY was before MEN'S CLUB but the neon lights on the first word had ran out,so the guys had missed that bit.

" I can't believe we just stumbled into a gay bar" Lando said.

"I know" said Han "come on,let's go and find a none gay bar."

After walking around for some time, the guys and Chewbacca who was still in disguise found a decent bar with no trace of gay men inside.

"Right" said Han "I'm going to get the drinks and you three sit here." Just as Han had gone to the bar, a passing man got abit suspiscious of Chewbacca.

"He's a very perculiar looking fellow isn't he" he said, indicating to Chewbacca "abit hairy ain't he?"

"He forget's to shave" Luke indicated "isn't that right,uncle...Chandler."

"Roar" said Chewbacca.

"Why is he growling?" the man asked.

"He smokes way too many cigarrettes" said Luke " he smokes at least a million a day that he's losing his voice and he can only growl. I tried telling him to cut down but he just won't listen."

"Roar" Chewbacca hollered.

"No uncle Chandler,you cannot have a lot to drink, you need to cut down or else you'll get liver damage and you need to buy youself some nictotin patches,this smoking is getting out of hand" Luke said to Chewie. After the nosey guy left,Han came back with the drinks.

"Who was that geezer?" he asked.

"Just some nosey old dude who got abit suspicious of Chewie" Lando indicated "so Luke made out that he was his alcoholic uncle who smokes a million cigarretes a day which was a good excuse for the growling."

" I called him uncle Chandler" said Luke "even though I don't have an uncle Chandler."

A few hours had passed by and Han had far too much to drink. Lando was a little tipsy but not as Drunk as Han was and both Chewbacca and Luke were completly sober.

"You,you know what" Han slurred as he almost fell out of his chair "I really love kittens, you know what,when I'm eighty two, I want to rule the world and I want everybody to do my bidding." He then fell out of his chair onto the floor below and Luke and Lando had to rush to help him up.

"I wish I was rich" he slurred "then I would buy us all a big house with a swimming pool and our own bar which will be much better than this crappy place."

"Ok Han, I think we should get you home now" Luke said as both he and Lando dragged Han to the exit and down the street. The man was so drunk that he could barely stand, so both Lando and Luke had to half drag,half carry him back to the apartment. Halfway, he almost fell over but Lando had managed to hold him up.

"You know something" slurred Han as he pointed at Luke "you are my very best friend, I mean it, if I was your dad, I would be very very proud of you for being my best friend and you Lando, you are my very best friend too, you all are. I really love you guys." before he could say anymore, he passed out onto the grass.

"He is really drunk" Luke pointed out. Chewbacca picked up a stick and starting poking Han with it. The man was complelty out of it, so the wookie picked him up and tossed him over his shoulder.

"Good thinking Chewie" said Lando "now we can get him home much quicker."

The next morning, Han had woken up with a really bad hangover and couldn't remember anything from the night before.

"You really are a very silly nerf-herder" Leia said to him as she made him a greasy fry up "I was really shocked by the state you was in last night and Lando seemed sober compared to you, even though he was a little drunk, but notas drunkm as you were."

"Oh stop lecturing me and be quick with my breakfast, I'm a dying man here" Han groaned before forcing himself off the sofa and going into the bathroom. He kept going in and out of the bathroom until his hangover had finally worn off.

"I am never drinking too much again" he declared "from this day forth, I Han solo will never get really drunk again."


	7. The one with the video camera

The one with the video camera

It was Monday morning and the gang were all sat in the front room watching a drama soap on the Television.

"_But Arnold, I just don't love you anymore"_ the woman on the tv spoke "_not since you had that affair with the girl from the washing service." _

_"But Daria,she ment nothing to me" _the man said _"you are the only woman I want in my life."_

"_It's too late Arnold,it's over between the two of us" _the woman said who was now begining to cry "_I want you to pack your bags and go."_

_" Don't do this Daria, I still do love you,just give me another chance to prove how much I love you" _the man pleaded. The woman shook her head.

"_I'm sorry Arnold, I just don't trush you anymore, I can't be with a man who I don't trust."_

"Don't do this to him Daria" said Han "he still loves you,just give him a chance to prove it."

"I don't understand" C-3po indicated "what has he done that has upset her so much?"

"They were both in a relationship and he went and kissed another woman behind her back,so now she's dumped him" Lando explained.

"You mean, a relationship like Han and Leia are in?" C-3po asked curiously " I don't full understand these old earth soap operas."

"Me neither" said Han, leaning back in the sofa with his arms folded "but I still watch them." Leia rolled her eyes at him in dispair.

"Any excuse for you to be a couch potatoe" she indicated. Suddenly,Han sat up and slowly turned his head towards Leia.

"Did you just call me a couch potatoe?" he asked, trying to sound menacing but Leia could tell that he was goofing around so she paid him no heed and went into the kitchen to make a coffee,only to find that they were out of coffee.

"You guys,there's no more coffee left and I need one of you to go out and get it" she told them from the kitchen.

"Oh, can't you go and get some?" Han asked "I'm watching tv here."

"I did the shopping last week" Leia indicated with her hands on her hips " so one of you guys has to go out and get some."

" I'll do it" Luke offered.

"Thankyou" Leia said with a sigh "now you need to get this one, the exactly same on." She showed him the empty coffee pot.

"Ok" said Luke as Leia gave him the money " they do sell them at the market right?"

"Yes, now get going" she said as she practicly shoved him out the door " and be quick, I'm gagging for a coffee." She shut the door after he had gone,went back into the sitting room and stood in front of Han and Lando, arms folded.

"Are you two going to sit in front of that box all day or are you going to do something around this apartment?" she asked.

"Depends" said Han.

"On what?" Leia asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe if you'll wear your gold slave bikini, we might help you out around the apartment" Han replied before he and Lando burst into hysterics. Leia could only roll her eyes at them both.

"I do not find that amusing" she said " and I thought you were going to clean out Chewbacca's litter box this morning Han solo."

"I'll get to that later" replied Han "me and Lando are just having a little guy time that's all." Leia shook her head and walked out,mumbling something about "men."

Meanwhile, Luke was looking around the market after he bought Leia's coffee and it was quite busy there that morning. He was looking on different stalls where people where selling there old stuff that they didn't need anymore.

"Now, why would anyone want to sell their stuff?" he wondered.

"Because they either don't want it anymore or don't have the room for it anymore at their houses" a man who was also looking on the same stall replied.

"What a shame" said Luke before he noticed a shiny video camera on the next stall. Fascinated, he moved toward the next stall and picked up the video camera.

"See you've taken quite an interest in that video camera" the man who owned the stall said "it's still in good condition. I bought it as a christmas present for my eleven year old daughter but she said that she hated it and told me to sell it on the market."

"What do you do with it?" Luke asked as he picked up the video camera and examined it.

"You record things with it then show them on your tv" the seller replied "let me show you." he switched on the video camera and told Luke to open up the little screen thind on the side, which he did.

"Now, how do I record stuff on it?" he asked "it doesn't seem to be doing anything."

"You need to press the record button" the seller told him. Luke looked around for the record button until he finally found it.

"Here it is" he said before pressing the button and recorded an old couple having lunch nearby.

"If you are interested sir, I'll sell you it for seven dollars" the man suggested. Luke put the camera down and thought for a minute.

Back at the apartment, Leia was getting starting on the dinner with C-3po helping her.

"Are you sure you can cut these carrots?" she asked him " because if you have trouble then I don't mind doing them."

"I will manage to cut the carrots " replied C-3po "I have quite a steady hand." Lando and Han where also in the kitchen, but they were sat at the table reading magazines.

"I wonder how long Luke is going to be?" Han wondered "he's been gone for a couple of hours."

"Maybe he got lost on the way to the market" Lando pointed out. Just then, the door opened and Luke came walking in with Leia's coffee and the video camera he had seen on the market.

"Here's your coffee Leia" he said as he handed Leia the coffee then walked over to Han and Lando with his new Video camera, filming them.

"Luke, where did you get that thing?" Leia asked, gesturing to the Video camera.

"Got it from the market" he replied " a guy sold it for seven dollars. Isn't it cool?"

"And what do you you just think you are doing?" Han asked as Luke moved the camera towards him.

"Filming you Han" Luke replied "why don't you sing or something, I know you like singing."

"That's a lie" Han protested "I hate singing."

"Sure you do Han, I often hear you singing in the shower or in front of Leia's bedroom mirror with the hairbrush" Luke implied.

"I will not stand for this abuse" Han protested as he stood up and stormed off.

"I will catch you singing on this thing pretty soon" Luke called after him.

Later that same day, Luke was going around the flat, filming random stuff with the video camera, he tried filming Chewbacca whilst he was washing the dishes, but the wookie only hollered in frustration and smashed at least four plates, so Luke made his way into the living room where Lando was on the sofa, snoring. Sneakily, Luke made his way over to the sofa and filmed Lando, who was fast asleep and snoring his head off.

He had been filming Lando for quite abit until he heard singing coming from leia's bedroom.

"Hmmm, that sounds like Han" he muttered, then made his way to Leia's bedroom door, video camera at the ready. When he opened the door, he found Han stood in front of the mirror, singing in the hairbrush.

"_With a taste of your lips_

_I'm on a ride_

_you're toxic, I'm slipping under_

_with a taste of a poison paradise_

_I'm a addicted to you_

_don't you know that you're toxic?_

_and I love what you do_

_don't you know that you're toxic?" _Han sang with the pink hairbrush in front of the mirror. he was singing for a quite some time until he noticed a certain black dressed jedi stood in the doorway, filming him with his video camera.

"LUKE" he yelled as he chased him out of the room "GIVE ME THAT CAMERA RIGHT NOW."

"Told you I'd catch you singing on here" Luke said "and I did." Suddenly, the camera went off.

"Huh, what's happened to it?" Luke thought "it's shut itself down for some reason." he then started tapping the side of the camera.

"Come on" he muttered "wakey wakey." Han walked over to him and looked at the camera.

"It's ran out of batteries" he implied "bet you've used it too much."

"Guess I have" Luke replied "maybe I should put it somewhere for safe keeping." So he put the camera under his bed then joined the rest of the gang for some more tv time. This time, the gang where watching a tv show where two people were getting married.

"_Do you Emily, take Ross to be your lawful wedded husband?" _said the minister.

"_I Emily, take thee Ross to be my lawful wedded husband"_ said the woman on the tv who was getting married.

"_And do you Ross, take Emily to be lawful wedded wife?"_ The minister said to the man who was marrying the woman.

_"I Ross, take thee...Rachel."_

"Oh, he said the wrong girl's name" Han pointed out.

"I'm guessing he still has feelings for Rachel" Lando implied "that's why he probably said her name."

"Wonder if Ross and Rachel will get back together in the next episode?" Luke asked.

"It depends" Leia replied.

"On what?" asked Luke.

"On whether Rachel wants to get back with Ross or not" Leia replied. Luke simply nodded and stood up, heading towards his room.

"What's he up to now?" Han groaned. A couple of minutes later, Luke reappeared with the video camera.

"Hey guess what, I just put some new batteries in this thing and now it's working" he announced,, then switching it on.

"Oh no" Han groaned as Luke moved the camera towards him "don't shove that thing in my face ok."

"Ok" Luke said as he moved the camera away "maybe I'll go and see if Obi wan or yoda want to sing so I can film them." He then headed to the door across from theirs and knocked.

"Yoda" said Obi wan "there's some on at the door, get it will you."

"Get it I cannot" Yoda replied "practising the force, I am." Obi wan then emerged from his room and headed to the door. When he opened it, he saw Luke stood in front of him, with a video camera.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Filming you with my new video camera" Luke replied "seven dollars from the market."

"Ok, so do you want me to do something?" Obi wan asked.

"I want you to sing" Luke replied "it can be any song you like."

"Ok" said Obi wan clearing his throat then started to sing.

_"__Stop callin', stop callin',  
I don't wanna think anymore!  
I left my head and my heart on the dance floor.  
Stop callin'', stop callin,  
I don't wanna talk anymore!  
I left my head and my heart on the dance floor._he sang "there, I've finished."

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh  
Stop telephonin' me!  
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh  
I'm busy!  
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh  
Stop telephonin' me!  
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh

Can call all you want,  
but there's no one home,  
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!  
Coz I'm out in the club,  
and I'm sippin that bubb,  
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!"

"Why didn't you sing the whole song?" Luke asked.

"I only know that part, so I sang that part" Obi wan replied.

"Fair enough" Luke replied "well, I'll leave you to your buisness now Obi wan."

"Ok" replied Obi wan as Luke went off somewhere. Obi wan closed the door and headed back into the sitting room and sat on the sofa.

"What was that?" Yoda asked.

"Oh, it was just Luke from the apartment across the hall, wanting me to sing while he filmed me on his video camera" Obi wan replied.

"Hmmm" siad Yoda stroking his chin "adjusting to Earth life, young Skywalker is."

"Indeed" said obi wan "right Yoda, I want you to go out and get me one of those Video cameras."

"Huh?" Yoda asked, before he could say anything else, Obi wan practicly frog marched him out the door.

"You know what you need to get don't you?" he asked.

"Yes, a video camera I must get" Yoda replied. So he left to get Obi wan a video camera.


End file.
